How to grow friendship circles
Note: This is something I need input on. Fancy a conversation?
The title of this note is pretentious: I don’t know how to do this properly, but at least I have an idea of what I’d like to try.
Even though I know quite a few people, I don’t feel as much of a sense of belonging as I’d like, and even when I feel it, it’s very rare. This sense of belonging comes from being member of a community. Unfortunately, the majority of people I meet up only in a one-on-one fashion, which does not build that sense of community.
Some ideas on how I could rekindle that sense of community:
When meeting up with someone, ask whether they’d like to have others tag along as well. The answer might be “no” if they want a 1:1 meet-up, which is still fine!
When inviting people to anything I organize, make it clear that anyone is welcome to bring other people as well, even if I don’t know them. (This is a very un-German and rather US thing to do.)
When planning for activities for myself (e.g. walking), low-key announce it some place and invite people to join if they want. To do: What does “some place” mean? This might not work for one-off activities, and might need regularly-scheduled ones (see next point).
(Post-pandemic) Have a regularly scheduled afternoon for meeting up. The location could be my own (ideal for a boardgame afternoon, for example), but it might also be good to have a fixed cafe to meet up at in case my place isn’t available. To do: My brain keeps thinking “what if we run out of space?” and “what if we run out of food?” but those are probably good problems to have — and not likely to happen either.
Hanging out with a group of people (rather than 1:1) is nice because it means people can take a break from being social for a bit.
Question: The task of organising often falls to certain people within a group. Why is that? It is not (exclusively) gender bias, because this happens in all-male (gay) groups as well.
Question: How does “being afraid to commit” play part in this? I myself find it hard to commit to something that others haven’t committed to yet.