Weeknotes 2023 W36: Burnout

September 4​–​10, 2023
1000 words

Quick bits:

I’m on burnout leave as of a few days ago, lasting for another two weeks. It was a long time coming, building up for months.

Last week, in Week­notes 2023 W35: Fitbit, I wrote about how I managed to get myself removed from a frustrating project (lasting 11 months with almost no outcome) and moved onto a new project. That new project quickly got all the signs of becoming frustrating as well. On Monday, I had a call with my manager to request that I be removed from this new project too, for fear of burnout. I got approval, but on Tuesday morning I realized that I was too far gone and urgently needed medical leave anyway.

I’m a highly skilled software engineer, and I feel that my skills are not being put to good use at all. When I look back at the last half year, the list of things I achieved is remarkably short. This isn’t because I’m not capable, but because the environment that I work in just isn’t conducive for getting stuff done. I can absolutely deliver high-quality stuff quickly — if you let me.

I don’t know what this means for me going forward. I’d like to make things work at my current employer. In any case, I’ll wait with making any decision until my sick leave is over, and perhaps it wouldn’t be a bad idea to stop thinking about work altogether for the next two weeks, but I know from experience that this is a difficult request.

Lastly, I know that there are coworkers reading these week­notes. It might be odd for me to write about burnout publicly, but aren’t we all humans with our own struggles and problems? If we aren’t honest and open about ourselves, then we cannot expect clear communication, and we certainly cannot expect to work together effectively.

I was greeted by this cursed thing in Asana (before I went on burnout leave):

It says “Choose an option below to encourage and appreciate the team.”

Eww.

This shit is cursed because this really is not a good way to have a conversation. Why must technology literally do anything to prevent humans from communicating with each other like human beings?

A sticker reaction is not the beginning of a conversation; it’s the end. It is the result of a minimum of effort; you can’t respond to a sticker. I clicked on the damn ruby heart already Dorothy, what more do you expect me to do?!

Also — what are these stickers even? A happy bear carrying red balls? Someone planting a flag at the summit even though the project is off track? A ruby heart because you… like that the project is off track? I am so confused.

As I said: cursed.

I made a sourdough loaf after a long time of not doing any baking:

I entirely failed at shaping it properly, as you can tell from the photo. I’m not bothered by it; it’s about the taste, and the taste is good indeed.

I finished short story 1 of 26. Go read it: Abattoir.

I began collecting Reflections on my own stories so that I can analyse what I myself wrote, figuring out what worked well and what didn’t, with the purpose of becoming a better writer.

A few days ago I began drafting the second story, Buried, starting with a B because that is the second letter of the alphabet. I think I like having two stories in flight, as it allows me to switch to a different story when I get stuck with one.

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Incoming links: Weeknotes 2023 W46: Exhaustion.